I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wanna go halves on a baby?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
