i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
