I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
