She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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