Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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