so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
