Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
