My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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