We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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