I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize