She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
