I wish you could order shots online.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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