there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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