Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
