So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
