Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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