note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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