Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
