Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
