Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
