Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize