What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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