his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
