I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we made out on top of his cat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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