im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize