Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My vagina just clenched in fear
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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