Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
