I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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