I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
