Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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