So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
