I looked at my own cervix.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
