New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
