There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
