Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
