She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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