How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
