He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
