Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
