U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
