Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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