I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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