I can't breathe out the right side of my face
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
