Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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