Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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