if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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