I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
