Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i think i just lost a toe
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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