Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
