you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Couch. On fire.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
