so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
