I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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