for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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