what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
