The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude. I can hear the air.
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