I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
