My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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