So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The beer is more important than you right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
