I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
