i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
