In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
