im six kinds of drunk right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
