Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
