College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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