1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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